Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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