I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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