would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
