Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
