found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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