just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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