Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
