my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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