I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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