I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
