I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
