Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
