Do you still have your period?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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