What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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