Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
