Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
