his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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