U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
