Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
