Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
