Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
