was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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