I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i need some magic done to my vagina
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
