When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
