this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
