hell yes lets make some ravioli
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
