Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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