I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
