I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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