you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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