Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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