Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
