He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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