apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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