YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
