I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
