I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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