i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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