I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
