so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
