Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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