is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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