Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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