Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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