I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
