I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize