Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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