And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
