epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
