I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
