what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
