I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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