You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
