I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
