you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
