i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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