1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
