some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
