I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back