Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
this hospital has no fireball
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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