Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
