This dress was meant to end up on your floor
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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