Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
