I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
