Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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