he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
