My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
