Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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