Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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