I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
