My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
