I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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