he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
