oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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