Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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