Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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