I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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