I heard we made out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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