we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
